Never Okay...

I haven't posted for a while, The last few weeks have been kinda crazy. A lot is going on in town and with family and such.

I'm still coping with losing Papa. I know everyone else is as well but it still hits me BIG TIME at certain points. Also, I found out another classmate of mine passed away on the first. We weren't close but this shows that no matter how much we all didn't get along, we are always there for each other.

This explains the title, he was drinking that night and he drove after. Drunk driving in my book is never okay. I know that a lot of people my age push limits, goodness knows we all have. But.. it takes something like this for people to realize what can happen. 


The saddest part of this is that people wish they could have controlled what happened that night. It is true though that no one can  control what you do except for you.

R.I.P. Jared.

'Tis Going to be Different This Christmas.

So I thought I would elaborate on the passing of my Papa. Maybe writing about it will help me a bit. I have been an emotional mess the last dew days.

A woke up to dad calling for me outside my door at about 6 or so. I hadn't had a good night sleep at all and maybe that was the reason why. We got into the car, dressed but not yet showered. I just threw on clothes, not even caring about what anything looked like.


We got to thwe hospital right after he passed. I was pretty stoic until I saw Autumn and Aunt Jill. I will remember that day for the rest of my life. I just stayed next to Autumn as much as I could. She whispered, "he's only got a few more seconds, say bye now." That made all of us sob and it was hard to breath. Levi was already getting around down in Illinois to come up.

I called him at one point just to check and see what was going on and he was as big of a mess as anyone. Honestly, it was good that he wasn't there to see what we all saw. It would have been so hard to see my brother cry. It was good that we all got to spend these past few days together.

There were so many things we had to do that even now, the days seem to be running together. I had to contact my teacher and tell him my homework would be submitted late. I hope he gives me until the end of the week to finish all of this stuff. At one point, I thought I may need to drop the class but I feel like, as long as I turn everything in, I don't care what the grades are at this point. I am hoping to get it all done by Monday so I get the 20-27 off without worry about stuff. I am already going to write an appeal letter to just be ready.

Anyway, Papa is at peace now and that is what matters, Although he struggled the last few hours, he doesn't have anymore pain or struggle anymore.

Hard few months.

The last few months have been hectic here. The family seems to be torn down every few weeks just to become stronger.
Grandma had to have surgery on her leg. She now has a fixator that is helping her bones heal.
Aunt Jill had pancreatic issues, came down with pneumonia.
Papa passed away this past Monday. I will go into detail later, ust wanted to tell yall where I have been.

Tryin to keep busy

I have been trying to keep busy this morning. I know I have a lot to do. But, it is only 50 after 8 and I am still a little tired. I have already converted some stuff this morning like Austin City Limits from last night. Miranda Lambert is amazing. I didn't record Jeff bridges though. Oh well..

Printed out a recipe for mom that I am going to do a video on. Autumn Stuffed pumpkin. Yum, plus, I finally get to make my famous pumpkin seeds. Going to try a different way this time though, on the stove instead of in the oven.

I wanted today to be a lazy day but laundry, room cleaning, and homework await me. Boo. 

We're Not In Kansas Anymore

Life has been crazy, kinda like a whirlwind. And no, I have not moved, I promise. Here is the new hair:

 before

after

It's odd only having to use a little bit of shampoo and conditioner. Plus, I only have to wash my hair for less than 5 mins. CRAZY! It is no longer  fried and no more split ends. I realized how much I miss having shorter hair. Now I can still put it up but it isn't so long that headbands look dumb. I need new headbands come to think of it. 

On another front, the doctor weighed me and I am 175 lbs. I know not many people say their weight but I thought I should put it in my blog to keep myself accountable. I have been watching my portions since my appointment Tuesday. It feels like it has been longer than four and a half days but it is a lifestyle change. The nice thing is, I have learned how to finally plan meals and such. 

I dropped my math class so that my GPA will stay up. I am going to work my butt off to get great grades on my economics assignments.

Used to be

I wish I was ballsey enough when I had short hair to wear dresses and look pretty all the time. my hair evolution has been pretty nuts. My whole life as a kid, I HAD to have short hair. Damn lice. Whenever I would start growing it out, someone would find something. In high school it all changed....

I decided after my freshman year I was going to grow it out. I only had my hair severely cute once in high school. It was back to normal by Junior year. I think since then, my hair has been pretty much every color but blond. I am so pale that it just wouldn't look right.

I don't know why I wanted to write about this, maybe because I am going to get it cut for the first time in years on Monday. WEIRD! I'm not going to go that short but still.

I do think though that sometimes, people tie confidence into their looks. I am less confident when I have a zit, stereotypical right? Oddly enough, I thought I was more attractive when my hair was cut really short. Although, when it was short I was worried about gaining weight because everyone would say. "your skinny face works with short hair". 

I've got Spirit

(image from: http://fypastelhair.tumblr.com/) 

Today is spirit day. At the moment it is 12:20 and I am still in pajamas. Yes... don't judge me. I do have my outfit planed though. Plaid purple & black top, jeans, black & purple tank tops (layered)  cute shoes. :) I don't have much else to say. I need to get a shower and study now :)